Moonrise. Point Arena, California. February, 2011.
It’s Kind of Dark In Here
And it’s a little noisy, too. Lately, things just haven’t been quite, well, right around here. I’ve got this little problem with pride, see, and with preconceived ideas about what is, and how things happen, and wellness. So it took me a long, long time to finally open my mouth and speak up. When I did, here’s what I said to my husband, Rich:
“I think I’m depressed.”
It brings me face-to-face with my own misconceptions. I wasn’t expecting this heavy sadness to loom up in the absence of death, of poverty, of severe trial of some kind. But here it is, hairy and matted, greasy arms clutching at my neck, drooling down my back all day. It’s disgusting and heavy.
And I Just. Can’t. Shake. It.
When I started Godspotting a little over three years ago, I had a clear sense that I was serving God, writing here. These days, it feels more like I’m serving my self-imposed schedule: Monday, Wednesday, Friday.
So I have decided, in the interest of good health and mental hygiene, to excuse myself from that blogging schedule for a short while–long enough to allow quietness to descend. Long enough to listen.
I may post intermittently while I rest, listen for direction, and wait for that big old moon to rise and lift this blasted darkness. And I hope to be back long before you miss me.
Thanks for reading, friends.
25 My soul cleaves to the dust;
Revive me according to Your word.
26 I have told of my ways, and You have answered me;
Teach me Your statutes.
27 Make me understand the way of Your precepts,
So I will meditate on Your wonders.
28 My soul weeps because of grief;
Strengthen me according to Your word.
29 Remove the false way from me,
And graciously grant me Your law.
30 I have chosen the faithful way;
I have placed Your ordinances before me.
31 I cling to Your testimonies;
O Lord, do not put me to shame!
32 I shall run the way of Your commandments,
For You will enlarge my heart.
Psalm 119:25-32 (NASB)
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