Leaving it at His Doorstep
In my last post, I told of a family challenge facing my husband Rich and me. I closed with these words:
I’m handing our dilemma over to God and sticking to my part of the covenant: love and forgiveness.
Easier said than done, it turns out. I think I’ve handed it over, then one little bit of it wriggles into a corner of my mind and sends out tendrils of pain. I snatch that one little corner of our problem back from God and chew on it, worry over it, feel sad.
I’ve written one of those famous Letters That Will Never Be Mailed.
I’ve prayed. A lot.
I’ve discussed it with an even-keeled-and-not-directly-involved family member whose counsel I trust.
I’ve prayed some more.
Tonight we attended Night of Worship at our church, a special, restoring service held the first Wednesday of each month. On our way to church, Rich and I agreed that after church we would discuss the matter no more this evening. He didn’t want it on his heart as we prepared for sleep, as he’s been restless for the past four nights. I mentioned that I needed to add a few more paragraphs to The Letter That Will Never Be Mailed.
As we approached the worship center, the service was beginning. I heard this drifting to us through the open doors of the church:
The music continued and we sang in praise of our God. Before Pastor Buddy Owens delivered his message, he invited us to a moment of prayer and encouraged us to tell our Father of our troubles, so that we could clear our hearts for worship and learning.
I sat and silently poured it all out. I was hurt. I felt betrayed. I was angry, especially for my husband’s hurt.
And then I set it down and listened to Pastor Buddy.
As we made our way to the table to share in communion, we joined the congregation and worship leader Pastor Rick Muchow in singing this song, which resonates deeply with me:
We shared communion with other worshipers and witnessed the baptism of several people.
And I realized this as we walked, in the summer dusk, through the parking lot to our car:
While I had walked in burdened, I walked out light.
I don’t feel the need to add to The Letter anymore.
6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7 (NLT)
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